| Poor Gary Glitter... Why being with out medication isn't fun and so forth |
[17 Nov 2005|07:45pm] |
.....
Gary Glitter... '70's British Glam Rocker is in trouble again... once again it is underaged girls... go figure.
Anyways.
I miss my darlings little pills.
I want to die.
I never noticed how much of a difference there was between me with and me without prozac until now. I can barely focus, and I don't want to do anything. But I feel lonely and unloved and I cry all the time even though I shouldn't. I hate my chemical imbalance. I want to be normal. I want to not feel horrible all the time I want to be able to walk around and smile and mean it and not have it simply be in passing.
Why do I suck so bad.
.........
Don't be surprised if I'm never heard from again.
Bob
|
|
| I give you fire |
[15 Aug 2005|05:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Embrasse Moi- Placebo |
] |
So Ed wants his hair like Jon Radtke's, I'm okay with it, he needs a change of pace. Goddamn. I haven't written in a month I've gone from pissed off to non-pissed off. Any who I think we all need a fucking change of pace.
So Ed's getting a New look and so am I I hope that by the end of the year we are all better. He's DJing again now at Bacchus which is good. Well except that we have to do alot of work because the club doesn't promote, it's up to the DJ to do that appearently. So we printed up 2000 flyers that we're going to pass out at the 80's nights around town and put a few on coventry hopefully all will be good. I hope atleast 100 show up. I already got someone saying that they would come next week because they have to work this week but other than that it's cool.
I personally invite all you fuckers around here.
<3
ME
|
|
| I was in love I think..... |
[17 Jul 2005|05:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NIN the downward spiral |
] |
or I still am I don't rightfully know anymore. All I know is that he recently hasn't even been here. He works all the time. Yesterday was supposed to be our 7th month aniversary. Guess what we did. NOTHING he fucking worked at the goddamned club and then stayed late. HE stayed fucking late and didn't seem to give a damn that I'm sitting here at home waiting up for the fucking bastard. he said he needed to unwind what's the point of being with someone if you can't unwind with them. FUCK HIM. I'm so fucking upset right now.
As for an update on my pathetic life.
MY LIFE SUCKS MONKEY BALLS. there.
<3
ME
|
|
| My weekend |
[16 May 2005|09:19am] |
Outside: warm
Inside: warm
Mindside:Weird
Dearest Darlings:
Yeah so... I visited Ed's parents this weekend. Yes we're still together and all that shit about him always talking about 16 year olds is over with. we talked about it. SO all is well
<3
me
|
|
| My Boyfriend is a dick part deux |
[28 Apr 2005|11:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bauhaus- Bella Lugosi |
] |
Outside:fuck if I know
Inside: fuck if I know
Mindside: fuck if I know
Dearest fuckers:
I feel like I'm about to get traded in for a younger model. I love him, I know I do but he's starting to really annoy me with this shit. I told him and he always says he's just joking around, but he says it too much to be a joke.
This makes me feel like shit.
I need my prozac.
|
|
|
[27 Apr 2005|06:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NIN- bite the hand that feeds |
] |
Outside:fuck it
Inside:fuck it
mindside:fuck it
dearest fuckers:
My boyfriend obsessed with 15 and 16 year old girls. I am 19... I feel too old for my 23 year old boyfriend... now I'm sad....
</3 ME
|
|
| I've got nothing to say |
[15 Apr 2005|02:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Thursday- Division Street |
] |
outside: prophets saw this weather and shit their pants...
Inside: I feel a bit sick... I don't know why I just do...
Mindside: I need a job... I need a job... I hope I get hired at the Library
Dearest Darlings,
Yesterday I watched Revelations... I taped it on my DVR it is the coolest gadget ever. It got me thinking about the end of the world, since my boyfriend is a satanist and all, he ended up saying a bunch of shit that made me a bit upset but I quickly got over it. He does it alot, he just speaks without thinking, but I do it too so yeah.
Still no computer... I now know what roughing it really is. Running to the library is starting to get tiresome, tiresome like my pink dreads... they are so gone, blue is the next color of choice.
I started a new story... I think I might actually do alot with this one I mean why the fuck not? I just hope the library has some books on demonology and the occult. IF not... I am stuck.
Edward wants to start a band... I told him I would be in a band with him if he could find a drummer, he said okay. Now heres where the problems comes up. He can sing... but he is the uber dork... on his mix CD's there is Country... fucking country. He needs to be brainwashed or like in A Brave New World he needs to be reconditioned. I love him with this undying passion nothing is better than snuggling with him or watching him walk around the apartment in his velvet jacket and extra tight chick pants. But there is only so much more country music I can take!!!!
We saw Phantom of the Opera at the dollar fifty show on wensday. It was really good except the phantom looked hot and coulding sing instead of looking horrible and being able to sing, other than that it was great. But I had to hear about all the way home when all I wanted to do was cuddle with him. Blah! I still love him to death though.
Saturday is our 4 month aniversary. so
With lots o thoughts,
<3 ME
P.S. I can't wait till I get my puppy soon.... YAY... And tomorrow... Miranda, we must watch the Brit awards! They are on BBC... we can play a drinking game and do this until ed gets home and then we can go to the chamber... a plan? Call me if you read this.
|
|
| Holy hell batman she's alive! |
[11 Apr 2005|03:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NIN- Closer |
] |
Outside: Warm... I am moving to alaska
Inside: Okay... no hangover
Mindside: Edward... that's all I can say
Dearest darlings,
You thought I was dead didn't you? See I don't give up that easy... I'm alive... I'm well... I moved out, live with my boyfriend... which is creepy all on it's own... I never pictured myself that kind of girl. But I am now, you know all the pre-commitment shit.
His name is Edward if you haven't heard of it already he makes me feel all tingly and good... like a shot and a half of pucker...
Isn't he pretty? I love him to death... it's creepy... we spend almost no time apart, and I'm actually okay with this... he dislikes 80's night though and he loves the chamber to death so we're going to go to 80's night at the phantasy this week.... comprimise you know.....
So friday we had a rent scare. Edward got home and on the door was an eviction notice, we started freaking out for a good amount of time. We had paid rent so we didn't know what the hell happened. so we were all a fucking depressed bunch for quite some time and then the next morning edward calls the management firm and it turns out that there's been mix ups with a bunch of other people too because they are switching offices. Fuckers almost gave me a heart attack....
Where have all the good bands gone are they just not coming to cleveland anymore?
With lots of shit and sugar,
<3 me
P.S. I have pink and black dreads now... cool huh? and Crazy lisa lives with us now too... isn't that fucked up?
|
|
| Life Should Come WIth Instructions... |
[10 Nov 2004|04:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
Outside: Not As Cold As Yesterday.
Inside: My Septum Ring Is Making My Nose Run
Mindside: How Do You Shake A Crush
Reading: Al Franken- Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Idiot
Listening: Dave Navarrow- Secrets
Dearest Darlings:
Ever find a perfect song that fits perfectally with how you feel about someone and then once you play it over and over again you start to feel slightly depressed? Yes, I have found that song about that one man and it is driving me insane.
Well, developments, developments. I got in a fight with my sister. She needs to grow the fuck up. Her boyfriend/resident asshole basically threatend my fathers life, saying that if he did not stop talking about him behind his back he was going to kill him. I got relayed this message by her as to what my respounce was "If he does not want people to talk about him maybe he should stop treating you like shit". She got up set and had all sorts of dramatics and I was not having it so I hung up the phone and called my mother because I wanted to talk to her about this because she needs to dump him and I am sick of her crying about him and complaining and then being one of the first ones to defend him whenever we say things about him. I really do believe that Corey did in fact cheat on her, and if she wants to believe him after she confronted him and he said he did not, even though he goes out all of the time without her and almost never takes her everywhere and then he gets very suspicious when she goes out and spends the day with us which are all the signs that he is cheating. And of course if he is cheating he is going to lie, I mean the fucker has not even divorced his first fucking wife. That is her business and her problem after now.
BUT WHY OH WHY IS SHE SO BRAIN DAMAGED!
And everyone is telling me that at this point in my life I do not need to have a boyfriend so all these developments are nessicary. But I want one! And where were all these people when my needy sister started dating Senior Jackass? I never liked him and it has nothing to do with him taking my sister away. She seems to forget that I never liked Anna (her icky girlfriend/fuckbuddy) either. I have feelings about people, I can tell good or bad with just a gut feeling and I know that this prick is bad for her and I am simply so frazzled over it! She refuses to listen to any of us. I atleast know when it is time to throw in the damn towel, the one year without sex should have been a sign.
She also remembers growing up differently than I did. She acts like my father is satan and all of this magically happened after she moved out of the house. I know that a lot of shit went on, I also know that I got the least out of all of the shit that they both went through both Harmony and Tres, but at least I know that you should be able to forgive people for their actions, I mean she is fucking 24 almost 25 years old. It is time to let go. I mean your biological father is just as much of an ass as mine if not more seeing as my dad has not carted me off to the looney bin yet.
Anyways, those would be my grievences. But on to brighter things, KMFDM was just simply fabulous! I loved the show in retro spect. When I was there it was simply alittle bit blah. However afterwards at the chamber was SOOOOO much fun! Miranda went with me and she actuall enjoyed it so yay! I have someone who will go to the chamber with me. Jonathan was there too... he dances odd... perhaps I should teach him the art of dance?
Speaking of boys named Jonathan... dearest dearest Jonny was an M&M for halloween... I need a picture of this. YA HEAR ME!!!!!!! PICTURE!!!!!
<3
ME
|
|
| life is a beautiful joke! |
[01 Nov 2004|02:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cynical |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
KMFDM-WW3 (The Whole Album) |
] |
Outside: Post Halloweenish
Inside: too...much... candy
Mindside: I could have died... I have a lot left to do
Dearest Darlings:
Since you are reading this you know I am not dead. I am quite alive somewhat well, and still kicking. but I could have died outside of Miranda's appartment on Wensday, it was very odd.
Went to Halloween Hardware, it was okay, it could have been better. Got hit on by a guy dressed up like Marilyn Manson, the night was good.
My Temp Dreads, should have more purple in them. Other than that I and the world loves them to death.
with love
<3
ME
|
|
| Ah Music... |
[24 Oct 2004|09:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NOTHING |
] |
Outside- I don't know I haven't been outside for a while
Inside- Sated
Mindside- I want to start another band... I need to meet more people....
Dearest Darlings:
I'm writing new music... lookie at the new lyrics and give opinions.
Such A Change
I want to be
everything you fear about youth,
Want to remind you
of the you you're leaving behind
The dope was your hope and now
You're such a fucking Joke,
you need someone to blame
aren't you sick of blaming the same?
where's your dope?
your fucking hope?
I hope I do
my job well
reminding you the lessons
you learned so well
what society wants
what society wants to expell
The dope was your hope and now
You're such a fucking Joke,
you need someone to blame
aren't you sick of blaming the same?
where's your dope?
your fucking hope?
I think it's time
to end my rhyme
no use continueing with audio
what my image does so well
The dope was your hope and now
You're such a fucking Joke,
you need someone to blame
aren't you sick of blaming the same?
where's your dope?
your fucking hope?
Play With Guns
Hate, has become the mantra of my soul,
People killing people
guess it's time to let go,
Dollar after dollar
cents before sense
it doesn't fucking matter
we're all for rent..
Don't worry,
You'll be disposed of Properly
All you kids
go play with your daddy's guns,
Maybe We'll get lucky
Maybe We'll have some fun
Hey, this is all for fun,
Maybe if you sell your soul
you'll have some sex appeal,
If you sell My Body
maybe you'll feel real,
Maybe if you blow my head off
I won't feel the pain
Maybe if I blow your head off
It will stop the pain...
Don't worry,
we'll be disposed of Properly
All you kids
go play with daddy's guns,
Maybe We'll get lucky
Maybe We'll have some fun
Go Play with guns...
Go
Go
Go
Go
Hey, this is all for fun,
Go
Blood Letting
There was a Boy in a dress
who dressed his best,
hung himself in his lovers closet,
There was a boy
who looked so pretty in a dress,
they still stuck that knife into his chest,
They dug around in the open wound
seemed days trying their hardest
to get to his heart,
Oh what a sound
when they found
that this boy
he had no heart...
I have blood on my hands and knees
Someone give me something
Something strong
something heavy
Someone give me
something to start the blood letting...
This nameless faceless violence
this fucking thing we fear
we turn around
make it into something new every year
none of this shit is new
I swear it's all the same,
the only thing that changes is the name...
SO
Someone give me something
Something strong
something heavy
Someone give me
something to start the blood letting...
And This boy
he never got up again
with his dying breath
he cursed them
fucking up his dress
Someone give me something
Something strong
something heavy
Someone give me
something to start the blood letting...
|
|
| Life.... |
[19 Oct 2004|03:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Slipknot- Vermillion |
] |
Outside: cold, it is winter darlings
Inside: Sick
Mindside: Why can't I be loved?
Dearest Darlings:
Life Sucks. Boys are icky and mean... except Jonathan, Jon, Ed, and BK, oh and Marilyn Manson, oh wait and my cat, they are the rosey ones, all the rest of the scum bags should BURN.
Stay Positive
<3
ME
|
|
| I am so bored my Brains are ooozing out of my ears |
[17 Oct 2004|01:42pm] |
Take the quiz: "Which famous rock star are you?"
Marilyn Manson
You see yourself as an induvidual and you dont let anyone hurt you. if they do you will have revenge...
Take the quiz: "what kind of goth are you?"
depressed goth
you are a depressed goth. you hate most people, and you may believe theres no meaning in life but to die. you also may feel as if nobody loves you. there are people, but you dont see it.
Take the quiz: "How dark is your soul?"
Lucifer
You're Lucifer. The Prince of Darkness. You are literally oozing evil. The only creature who could take on god and come out flaming. You rule hell and everything in it. You are corrupt to the very core. All in all, you're one badass candy-stealing sonuvabitch
Take the quiz: "Which Marilyn Manson Single Are You?"
This is the New Shit
You are This is the New Shit from the Golden Age of Grotesque album. You're becoming more original, but people kind of dislike you for that. You're also expressing your sexuality more, and you mock people a lot.
Take the quiz: "What Marilyn Manson Band Member Are You?"
You are Twiggy Ramirez
OH MY GOD YOU SEXY MAN YOU.YOU ARE THE HOTTEST THING ON THIS PLANET.EVEN THOUGH YOU WEAR DRESSES(but don't worry that turns me on)
Take the quiz: "What rockstar are you?"
Duff McKagan
You are the ex-Guns N' Roses bassiast, now in Velvet Revolver. Congratulations!
Take the quiz: "How ::CYBER:: Are you?"
Like the music but not the scene
You love the industrial/cyber/gabba/noise/ebm styles of music, but are not interested in going out to mix with the people unless it is gonna be well worth it, you preffer to sit in with mates and have a good night.
Take the quiz: "What Is Your Kink?"
Bondage
You love lack of freedom! Ropes, chains and handcuffs are your personal kink. Your bed is a four-poster to make it more convenient to be spread-eagle! You look at hardware stores very differently than the rest of us do. Your motto is Fit to be Tied!
Take the quiz: "Which deviant fetish should you indulge in? (sexy pictures)"
BDSM Fetish
Restraints! Hot wax! Chains! It's all about BDSM (Bondage Domination Sadism Masochism) for you! Whether you're the giver or receiver of pain - you'll love every moment of it, and because there are so many ways of indulging in BDSM, you're sure to find a possibility you and your partner will enjoy!
Take the quiz: "how perverted r u?"
ur too perverted i might just yell RAPE!!!!!
RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take the quiz: "What is your favorite Kink?"
You just like it rough
You like it all plus some...I bet you have a bull whip hidden in your closet or under the bed where it can be reached easily...you love pain...(girls) I bet you like to have your hair pulled and you like to hear him growl at you too
Take the quiz: "Will you ever smugle drugs across the border"
you bet
you need help
too many hour too little to do....
|
|
| Ah, for a laugh my dear for a laugh.... |
[10 Oct 2004|01:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Placebo-Pure Morning |
] |
Outside: Slowly but surely winter is coming
Inside: I am being eaten alive by fleas
Mindside: I am infatuated yet again!
Dearests Darlings:
Ever feel like taking a power drill to your temple to rid your mind of evil thoughts? I have, and I am very very tempted to carry it out. I like another boy, it would not be so bad if he did not live in california because he likes me too. I mostly just want to fuck him, but I really like talking to him too. Bonus, but I have not spoken to him the last couple of days... so yeah... I am not too sure about this.
The last few days have been fairly boring, writeing, sleeping, writing, sleeping, drawing, sleeping, painting, sleeping. Yeah, I need to change up my usual routine. I have found myself in a fairly melancoly mood recently. It possibly has alot to do with the fact that I have been sitting at home doing nothing but drinking and feeling sorry about myself for the last few days. I need to make several appointments over the next few days in regaurds to my parole and my mental therapy. I suppose people like me are the reason shocktreatment was invented.
I cannot get this boy out of my mind...Anyone have a power drill they wish to lend? I am sure the police will give it back once they have deemed it a suicide.
Ah a fuck, a fuck, my kingdom for a fuck....
<3
ME
|
|
| How do you say, where is my gun? |
[06 Oct 2004|12:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Basement. Love. Underground. |
] |
Outside: COLD not even a nice cold just fucking cold
Inside: My throat hurts and my mom ate all my yogurt.
Mindside: I think I'm coming down with a cold
Dearest Darlings:
Yesterday, I did in fact make a cameo appearence at 80's night, it was quite brief only about maybe 45 minutes, if even that. Then I went to Lisa's and watched a very interesting movie which you should all see if you have not all ready called Rock My World. No, it is not PORN.
Then I left Lisa's and went home. I actually do have a favorite time, it would be fall mornings at 5 am. The sky is so crisp and clear you can make out the orion nebula, and it is just all so beautiful, I wanted to stay outside and stare at the stars, I wanted someone to share it with. I could actually name all of the constellations, I was quite pleased with myself all the way home.
When I got home, I went to sleep, and I dreamed a regular old unobtainable crush dream for me, the ones where that unobtainable desire, has quite the desire to kill you and you get stabbed to death, and then they stand over you with a smug grin on their face and smoke a cigarette.
Now I am awake and I have to write ten pages today because I forgot to do it yesterday, I wroke maybe seven. And that is all that is on the bill for today my darlings.
I hope your crush doesn't stab you in a dream,
<3
ME
|
|
| walk with me through my den of sin.... |
[04 Oct 2004|01:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
This is the new Shit- Marilyn Manson |
] |
Outside: Fall is here, and I am in love with it cold nights and cool days
Inside: Balanced
Mindside: Content. GASP.SHOCK.
Dearest Darlings:
I should really start out with saying who ever still reads this, I'm not sure who does anymore. I don't care anymore, I'm using this for me, I am a selfish bitch and proud of it! I know who I am now, and I'm happy and I haven't been spending time with alot of people but I've been enjoying this semi isolation, things are starting to look rosy.
I am going to go to the Chamber by myself on both friday and saturday. It might be the most annoying club in cleveland but it's the only that I know of that plays industrial music, and that's what I've been listening to recently. Speaking of Industrial and that sort. I found out a few days ago that both Skinny Puppy AND KMFDM are coming.
Things are looking up, I suppose you have to stare down the barrel of that gun before you can look above it.
I guess my prozac is starting to work. I was depressed a little on friday though. I REALLY wanted to go to the Chamber, I was all ready for it and then the disengaged show lasted longer than I thought it would and we were stuck downtown and we didn't get to go. I was okay with that until I realized that I wasn't going to get to see Bright Eyes on saturday. So we walked around aimlessly and then I spilt up and walked around by myself and Lisa got hit on and she got to see Conor and I didn't. I guess it was for the best. Yes I still like bright eyes, Emo folk is good sometimes.
Saturday however, my mom ended up giving a lot of money and I ended up buying a lot of stuff. I bought my Edgar Allen Poe compliation that I wanted, I got Vampire Clan on DVD, and I got Lest We Forget The Best of Marilyn Manson. And now I have This is the new shit stuck in my head. "babble babble bitch bitch rebel rebel party party sex sex sex and don't forget the violence, blah blah blah got your lovey dovey sad and loney stick your stupid slogan and everybody sing"
So yeah... Weekend good. I've also been told by several people not to let other people rule my life, which means I might make a guest appearence at 80's all alone for an hour or two.
Note to self: next time don't write novel long posts.
Sex and don't forget the violence
<3
ME
|
|
| Uhh... Okay... |
[29 Sep 2004|08:47am] |
Outside: It's cold
Inside: I think I'm sick.
Mindside: Terribly confused
From Ericka Foy:
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: flippin' sweet
Date: Sep 28, 2004 04:32 PM
thats what you are.
its soooo easy for me to the things that should be said .... but im not that much of asshole so im gonna leave it simple and sane.
your a superfical spoiled juvenille brat that needs to get some sense knocked into her head.
dont call the apt anymore.
if you want your shit from there you will have to get it some other than coming over. unless you call shawny at work and ask her.
later doood
and farewell!
To Ericka Foy:
...1... I've only known you since I was 13. I know this because I've only known you as long as I've had my own room, which I didn't have until after harmony moved out I was 13 then. ...2... If you don't want to be my friend good for you... why should I stop calling the apartment? it's not all about you, it's not even your apartment. The post wasn't even about you. It didn't say I only had two friends, and it had NOTHING to do with you so why are you pissed off?... read it over if you want I don't care anymore really... if I was going to not have you as a friend anymore I would have done it in person. ...3... I didn't even HEAR any backstreet boys till I was 12 and Penny made me listen to it... I kind of liked them when I was 13 but I didn't really go crazy and buy their Cd's and mess like that till I was 14 amd I had lost a lot of interest in them when I was 15. So I'm a joke? Ok. I'm a joke. Hahaha so what. I cried yesterday not because I was sad but because I was frustrated, because you couldn't grow up and talk to me about it " I sent you a myspace post". Ok. I've read the myspace post and you've probably deleted me off of your friends list. You confuse me, your going to defriend me all because of a post that has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with you? You make very little sense.
<3
ME
|
|
| So this weird thing is me |
[27 Sep 2004|11:51pm] |
I was going through my list today and I noticed that I have a whole lot of people on here that don't know me at all and some who know very little about me. So I decided to make a bulletin about myself. lets see how this goes.
I am a vegetarian who borders on Vegan. I have a fear of heights which is very odd because my entire life I have been fascinated by rollercoasters, that feeling of flying and such. I also hate loud noises, as a child they used to scare me my mother took me to and indoor amusement park and we left after ten minutes because I couldn't stop crying and screaming, I did the same thing the same year when we went to go see the fireworks on the 4th of July. I used to live in canada I liked it there, I was also really young so I was also too stupid to realize that I was an introvert and was very antisocial. I pretend to be stupid sometimes. Every once and a while I'll say something or do something just to do it, it will have no bearing on my actual thoughts or actions but I'll just do it to see what will happen. Life is an experiement for me after all. I actually like talking to people, even though you probably coulding tell if we met in person. sometimes I feign laconic, for the simple fact that it's easier to listen when you first meet someone than it is to talk. I love astronomy, not astrology, I like astrology but I completely adore staring up at the stars at night and nameing constellations. I can name 67 out of the 88. I saw a movie when I was in 6th grade, it was a made for tv movie about an alien abduction. I freaked out and had to sleep in the same bed with my mother for a week. I'm still freaked out about it, I have nightmares about being abducted and about little blue men being in the corners of my room at night. I suppose this makes me crazy, I'm okay with it. I hate alot of people too, and I actually can't stand it when people stand around and talk about other people. I used to do it myself but I can't anymore, it just seems really and truely tiresome to me. Why talk about them? What's the fucking point? You don't know them they don't know you so why waste your fucking breath sounding like a fourteen year old struggling to fit in. I did like the Backstreet boys. from when I was fourteen to fifteen. I thought it was longer but it wasn't case when I was sixteen I started writing my novels and when I started my novels I gave up on all music except for bach for a year or so and when I was 13 I was obsessed with billy joe from greenday and before that I was obsessed with Marilyn Manson and anything that even remotely sounded like it.... I guess things do come full circle. I only have two friends who I've known for more than 5 years and that's Miranda and Kiah. Neither of who are on myspace. I also don't have any "BEST" friends I mean I hang out with you because you don't piss me off too much, I don't like any of you more than the next. Sorry, but that is the way the cookie crumbles. I have horrible luck with relationships, they never last longer than a few weeks and if it does that's only if all the many many breaks and time outs aren't counted. I also have never dated someone I've had a crush on, I'm not allowed to be happy like that I suppose, infact most of the people I've had crushes on tend to be a little out of my league, but I'm okay with this. The current object of my infatuation is someone who I barely know, he's just pleasing to the eye and doesn't seem like he's splitting a braincell with four other people. I like that, but I also have accepted the fact that nothing is going to happen because I am a Chicken, and a pessimist so that's not going to go too far. I have been clinicly diagnosed with Depression, I take prozac, if I don't take my prozac you can definatedly fucking tell, I get every erratic and I throw conniptions. I used to think that my depression really helped with my art , as far as writing songs and books, playing my music , painting and sketching but I don't really think that anymore. My favorite movies are the Crow and Rocky Horror Picture Show, I don't know why but it just is. And I can't think of anything else to really say.
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| And The Drugs Aren't Helping |
[25 Sep 2004|11:19am] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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Skinny Puppy- Torture |
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Outside: I don't know I haven't been out there yet... frankly I don't want to either
Inside: Peeved
Mindside: My current horrific situation and what to do about it.
To My Dearest Ones:
I was supposed to go dancing at the chamber, I got very dolled up and made myself look very snazzy only for some certain people to bitch out on me. So I didn't go. I went home and went to sleep. BUT I am going to the chamber tonight so hopefully It'll be fun. Lisa accused me of only wanting to see KMFDM only because there'd be a lot of goth guys there and I LOVE goth guys. But that's not why I want to see them. I want to see them because I like one of their songs. Then she attacked me on that saying that I shouldn't go see a band only because I like one of their songs. WELL I do that ALL the time. I did that with several fucking bands I did that with Maxeen I did that with Social Zero even though I had never heard them before I had heard good things. That's the way I almost always do it, I'll go see a band if I've heard good things about it. And I've heard good things about KMFDM so I'm going to see them whether or not Lisa can get me tickets.
That's why I went home instead of going to the party, because I was peeved and I still am.
I still like that guy by the way. It's starting to get annoying, I need some kind of therapy. Is there a drug to take to make people who are appealing with wicked little mouths seem unappealing? if not there should be! I don't know what to do about it, I barely know this kid and he invades my psyche like William the fucking conqueror.
and look what I took last night on the corner of W.9th
Razorblade Kisses
<3
ME
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